First Date
First Date

So, you’ve been on an embarrassing number of first dates, each one ending in disaster, but you finally met someone you can dare to consider is “a great guy”. He was chivalrous, didn’t talk about his family issues or his ex throughout the date, and treated you like a queen. You figure he’s a keeper, right?

It’s awesome that you’ve met someone great, but then you might not exactly be sure what your next course of action should be. A lot of dates have gone very badly and you haven’t even given the guys a second thought, but this is someone you definitely want to see again. I can tell you right now that the key is to find the middle ground between clingy and distant. A little bit too much of either, and you will frighten this “great guy’ away. Here are some tips that might help.

At the end of the date, it’s really important that you let him know you had a great time and you’d most definitely like to see him again sometime. Also, thank him for the wonderful date and for driving you home. This way, he knows you really did enjoy being out with him and that you actually really do like him. However, don’t go overboard by inviting him in when he drops you off. Especially if you don’t intend to let things go too far so early. Inviting him in will be taken as a sign that you are leading him on.

You’ve said your goodbyes and he’s gone. Don’t just sit around the house waiting for him to call. Right now, he’s only guessing that you’re interested, and if you decide to just wait for him to be the first to call then he may conclude that maybe you really weren’t interested and it was just a fluke. A lot of females feel, for whatever reason, that they should wait for the man to call. Unknown to these women, the men are thinking the same thing. So, there you are, sitting by your phone, waiting for him to call, and he’s doing the same thing. No one ends up calling and you never see each other ever again. Maybe you’ll  run into each other again sometime in the future, and he’ll be in a loveless marriage and you’ll be single and you’ll have drinks and he’ll tell you he was into you and just wanted you to call and you’ll tell him the same thing and then you’ll both feel  incredibly stupid, But life is not a movie.

If you really did have a great time out with this guy, and you felt that he was really into you too, then don’t hesitate to be the first to reach out. Call him the next day, or, if you’re not comfortable with that (because you believe it will make you look needy) then wait a day or too.

You should also consider that just because you went out and had fun and thought he had a swell time too doesn’t exactly mean that he felt the same way. Yes, we’d like to think was just attracted to you were to him, but we have to consider all possible options so you aren’t upset or aggravated if he doesn’t ask you out again immediately. Give it sometime, and if he still doesn’t make a move, then you make the move.

But, quite honestly, there are men who really don’t like to be chased (something about feeling intimidated) So, instead of calling first, allow some time to pass and then invite him out to a social gathering.

There are women out there who get slightly upset or creeped out when a guy calls the very next day. Shouldn’t you be excited? I mean, this means he had such an awesome time he can’t wait to do it again. And this isn’t the time to start forming “I don’t want to look desperate.” If he asks you out again, say yes if you want to. You never know if this could actually be the one!

In as much as I’m advocating for love here, I have to point out how necessary it is to not make this man you just met the center of your world right away. Yeah, he could be the one. But until he is, he is just a guy you went out on a date with one time. You still need to set your standards and let him know that you have your own life with other activities and happenings.

–          If he calls you when you are busy, you can either take the call and tell him you will call him back when you are less occupied, or just let the call go to voicemail (if you have).

–          Like I said, you should be happy he called, but you shouldn’t be over enthusiastic about it. Be calm and cool. Keep the conversations short so you have something to talk about when next you go out.

–          If your first date is on a Friday, and he doesn’t get in touch with you to make new plans until exactly a week after, you must politely decline. He has to know you are not just lying around waiting for him to make plans for you. Tell him you have another engagement, even if all you plan to do is lie in bed eating candy and watching old movies.

It’s great to be in an amazing relationship and have someone who’s crazy about you and wants to spend time with you, but it’s important to never lose who you are for another person. Stay true to your values and always trust your gut. If it’s meant to be, it will happen.

By Haba Naija Contributor

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